How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Randomize
