There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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