vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
