The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
