So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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