Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
