I wannas sexs uuuuu
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
