quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
