Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Randomize