I'm lost and stupid without you.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
