Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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