I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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