Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You've changed since you got that strap on
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
