Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
