True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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