I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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