Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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