Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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