I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
