if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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