my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
