Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You dont lie about slip and slides
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
