i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize