Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
