i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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