I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
