Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
