The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
