Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
