wat bout pragnant strippers??
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
