Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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