i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
