things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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