Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl heβs not seriously considering marrying.
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