hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You dont lie about slip and slides
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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