He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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