Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize