I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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