There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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