Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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