The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Banned from zoo.
Again?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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