I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
