So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
