I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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