it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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