Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
