just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize