I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
