We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize