i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think people are normalizing furries
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
