I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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