Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
