The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
