I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
