from now on my penis is your penis
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize