Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
