Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
