it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
