I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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