Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
