Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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