"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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