Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
