I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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