If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
