You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
