it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
