i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
