your parents love me but you hate me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
