I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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