There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize