Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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