I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
how does that bad decision feel?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
