Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i love accidental penises.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
