So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
