"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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