thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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