I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
