i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
