I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
