I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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