my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
