im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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