Got a toothbrush?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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