dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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