and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
