I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
