in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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