My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
