I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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