He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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