:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
