Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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