She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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