I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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