and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
