I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I currently don't understand fingers.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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