Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
