i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have fence marks all over my body
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
