If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize