At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
