Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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